So I really do have it on my heart to write more this year. Just put my bum in my chair (or sofa, or bed, or floor) and fingers on the keys and WRITE. I think this is a Holy Spirit thing.
One thing that I became aware of this last year is how often I automatically jump to discount or explain away things people say to me inside my own head. It’s one of those thought patterns with a negative effect on me that I’m working on changing, and I thinking writing is one area where I’ve employed it a lot. I want to change that tendency I have to start something and not finish it because I get in my own head, and get in my own way. I think there’s quite a bit to go on from past experiences, that if I would actually stop dismissing it and see it for what it is…. I might actually be good at writing and like it a lot! 🙂
My first urge to write was when I was oh….8? 9? (or so). I had the idea to write our cats’ life story. I think I got through two chapters (us bringing her and her brother home, her meeting our poodle, exploring the backyard) before the project died. I never thought much before about why, but as I grew up I started and stopped so many stories. I have a folder on my computer with at least a dozen plot summaries and/or first chapters and scene vignettes that I just pictured so clearly in my mind I was afraid I’d forget them if I didn’t write them down.
I got the courage to share some of my writing when I was in high school. I was in creative writing class, and I always liked English class. That’s probably not really surprising since I LOVE reading and reading and writing tend to go hand in hand. 🙂 But thinking back, I remember getting very good feedback from teachers and friends on my school writing. Plus, I ventured online on a self-publish type of website and had very positive reviews for my original fiction and some of the creative writing pieces I posted from the other people on there. And *deep breath, nerd alert!* I wrote some Alias fan fiction to also very positive reviews. Actually, I still write a chapter here and there for one of those, and still get alert emails occasionally that there’s been a new review, mostly people going “when are you going to write MORE?! I want to know what happens!” I always think I’ll write more consistently and never do. I was on livejournal in highschool, xanga and myspace in college, but all of those accouts are now gone (at least, they should be, and goodness I hope so!) and I’ve been here on wordpress for the past 4 years, (what?! that long?!) My parents been a reader of my blog ever since I started on wordpress, and my mother tells me she is impressed at how well I express myself, and likes how I write. My dad started a blog not too long ago for sharing his “deep thinking”, and had me help him set it up. And I should probably also count that I’ve been keeping a journal since I was nine. (Okay, it’s totally a “diary” but “journal” sounds so much more mature. haha. 🙂 )
Even as I am writing this short history of my writing, I am amazed at myself that I haven’t really put energy into developing this skill more, and more publicly. My mothers remarks through my life have been easy to dismiss. “She’s just saying that because she’s my mom.” It’s not a far stretch to use the same logic on my friends. “They’re saying it to be nice, how can they really tell if it’s good or not?” “These reviews are so short, if it was really good, more people would review or they’d write longer comments.”
In recent years, I’ve wanted to write more about spiritual things, but I’ve talked myself out of it for various reasons that just sound silly to me right now. Things like “who’s going to listen to little old me? what do I really know anyway?” and just being afraid of being misunderstood and challenged.
I think this is all to say, I want to just write this year. That is was I keep thinking when I pray about it. I want to listen to what is on my heart to put into words, and simply do it. I keep thinking about this little parable I wrote in high school for Religion class. It was something about a village where everyone had gardens, and there was a manor up on the hill where the Mayor lived, who supplied everything they needed for their gardens only there was one house that was overrun with weeds they weren’t to go in. only one day someone does, and then weeds overrun the whole village and Mayor sends a notice about exterminators coming and fumigating the town and if they stayed indoors they’d be okay but if they stayed outside the fumes would kill them along with the weeds, and then it ended with the gardens being restored and the weedy house pulled down and everyone getting to go feast at the manor with the Mayor… I don’t have a copy of it anywhere and I just REALLY wished I had saved it and I’ve kept talking myself out of just writing another one because in my mind it wouldn’t be as good as the first. But I think it would be good for me to try it again. Perhaps the second telling will be awesome and I will never know if I don’t try.
So soon I am going to find the time to go through that folder of poems and stories, give it a prayerful purge, edit some stuff that might be fun to share, perhaps share some that will be a chuckle if left untouched, and of course, just keep writing. And OH yes, send off that little devotional article that I embarrassingly haven’t done yet. It’s started, but unfinished and I said I’d do that ages ago. Like…August. *sighs* Is it any surprise that procrastination is also a habit I’m attacking this year? (random aside: to that end: Necessary Endings by Henry Cloud is an awesome book that’s really giving me some good motivational spirit these days. I’m about half through reading it.)
and now I am off to get some good sleep so I’m not late to church tomorrow. Happy Sabbath everyone!
New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)
24 The Lord bless you
and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.