So enough time has passed that I think I can now write about my recent turn of events in a much better state of mind and emotion stability than I could have a couple weeks ago.

You see, two weeks ago I was let go from my job.

This has been a totally foreign experience to me and actually a rather difficult mental and emotional roller coaster to deal with internally. I’ve been pretty discouraged about moving forward one moment and then mixed feelings about hope for the future in the next. I’d really use the word “crisis” to describe where I feel I’m at! It’s definitely a weird self-awareness of the fact that way I react and handle myself will most likely profoundly shape my life in the future.

It’s hard that my usual reaction to feeling overwhelmed and unsure of myself is to avoid the problem, listen to my harsh inner critic, and give in to depression. It’s a battle and pattern I recognize through out my life and my progress at overcoming those instincts feels so slow and like I take two steps forward only to go one step back.

I can clearly picture in my mind’s eye the person I desire to be, the qualities I want to have, the way I want to engage the world, and know that I’m capable of being that person and I’m the one in my own way.ย  Still, the gap between where I am and where I want to be often seems insurmountable.

I know all of this can be read in a really downer tone but I’m honestly resolved and optimistic going into my third week since finding myself shaken. I have really good people in my corner for good emotional and spiritual support, I have one step at a time plans laid out and again good friends to help keep me accountable and active. I’m working on overcoming that inner block that has been veering me away from doing some basic things that I actually do desire to be in my lifestyle and that are in my best interest: working out! eating healthy! going to bed at a good time and getting good sleep!

I hope to have good news on the job front soon, I’ll be pursing a handful of good leads in the next week, and praying a lot! Truly, if I find something soon, I will believe it is because of God. I think He may wait for us to expect great things of Him so that we know who He is and how much He is willing to bless us with if only we gather the courage to ask and keep asking and waiting in faith.