Yes, I am feeling the compulsion to write again and the feeling is very welcome! It kind of came out of no where, and yet it didn’t really. I simply read some blogs that inspired me this past week and … here I am! 🙂
Although… I don’t have a lot to say at the present moment… ha. I counted back and it’s been about eight months since my last post. (Still in love with my iphone, btw!) Life just .. went on in the way that it always does and I kept going on with it. As I look back, I was slightly surprised to think about all the stuff that I’ve done when I feel like I don’t do much but work and chill at home. One of the biggest events was that I visited my “home home” for a long weekend and surprised my mom for Mother’s Day. That trip was awesome, and reminded me how much I miss being close to my parents, or any family really, and CA itself. It also made me realize how much MN has started to feel like a home too. I’m going on 3 years in this state, and if my life follows my previous pattern, I’ve only got two or three more years until forces conspire to move me on elsewhere.
Thinking about the future has occupied my brainwaves a lot lately. Especially with 6 months left until my 30th birthday. How did I get here?! (asked anyone turning 30 ever) 29 does not feel like I imagined it would when I was 9 or 19, that is for sure. A couple years ago I starting thinking that maybe my 30’s will actually be like what I wished my 20’s were… and a friend of mine said something I will never forget. She is a nurse who works with a lot of seriously ill and even terminal kids and she said she was so grateful for her 30th birthday and would never complain about getting older because there are so many people who can’t. The truth of that really struck me, especially having lost many family members and friends to tragic circumstances that cut their lives short. So I’m good with 30, I’m just… highly amused by it?
But then the OTHER thing…both of my ex-boyfriends are married now. I’ve known about the one for awhile, found out about the other a couple months ago. Like 98% of my thoughts when I realized that was along the lines of “okay, good for them, how is this relevant?” But the last 2% makes the leap to … “What’s wrong with you that you aren’t married by now too?” Especially because a relationship is something I actually WANT. I also don’t want to LOOK for a relationship. So there’s my answer: the not wanting to look keeps winning my internal arguments.
I get the sense at times that people don’t quite believe me when they ask if I’m dating anybody and I say no and they act sad for me and I try to explain that I’m fine with being single. It’s not so much recently, but thinking back I’ve heard my fair share of statements from people that are trying to be supportive but it comes of as a bit of a platitude when I am in no need of being placated. “It’s when you’re not looking when you meet someone!” is probably my favorite of those.
But it did get me thinking, I’m really not taking full advantage of the fact that I am single… It’s nice to be a bit of a hermit, but there are many things I would like to get out and do and it’s on me to make them happen or they likely won’t.
I have reached the point in my mental train of thought where I ask myself “where are you going with this? it don’t sound like a good conclusion yet, what else can you say? I just want to stop typing and go to sleep…” 🙂 I suppose I don’t have much a point tonight, just processing in public and suddenly questioning whose great idea it was to do spew stuff like this online to strangers and worse: the people I actually know who actually know me!!! (*waves to my family and real life friends who are my faithful commenters*)
But in all seriousness, I hope you are happy I wrote something again, even it’s nothing surprising or new! I love the world today. Good night.